It's been a while since I blogged and alot has happened in that time but I thought I'd take the chance to share how things are going. A while back, when chattin with some friends they mentioned that I often turn to folk in a crisis but also need to start sharing when things are going well and I am doing well. I want to be honest and real in my relationships but need to acknowledge that good stuff happens.Perhaps I should start to include some of the other stuff too. God is doing great stuff with me, sometimes it seems like I’m stuck in the fire but gradually I’m comin out the other side, refined.

I really appreciate my friends and how I have come to the point where I can tell them pretty much anything about me. I appreciate that because I really benefit from the encouragement and support I get from others. Some folk seem to be able to carry on regardless, but me, at the moment I need to know I have some folk beside me.

For the last 6 weeks I have managed to remain pornography and masturbation free. This is a tremendous success as far as I am concerned. I have managed this before, but there has always been a bit of skirting round the edges which, by and large, I have managed to avoid now. I don’t think I can be so naïve as to say that I won’t be challenged again – infact there has still been challenge through these 6 weeks, but my outlook has changed.

It would now seem to be a tremendous waste to start mucking about again.

What has been a hallmark of the change has been that I have not struggled nearly so much with unwanted bodily functions’. I hope this does not feel like too much information but I think it points out 2 things – 1) That the absolute grace of God is on me to help me beat this once and for all. 2) My mind is in a different place – My mind, spirit and body seem to be working together. There is no conflict such as before. What an amazing place I find this to be.

This is not to say that I have not had my challenges. I still am finding it difficult to draw the lines of relationship – and to relate properly to other guys. I still battle to know and grasp other’s perceptions of me and this can get me depressed and confused. However when these challenges have come along I have been able to deal with them. Infact – especially with times where I have maybe asked to speak with one friend in particular about how I am feeling, by the time I’ve had the chance to do so things have usually much improved and I’ve been able to get more of a God perspective on things. One reason for this is the decision to keep praising despite how I feel. This was very much something that came out of reading about self leadership in Courageous leadership by Bill Hybels.

So! Things are on the up!

I’ve been challenged about how people perceive me and last week faced what I found to be quite a challenging rejection. But God spoke to me about this a few days later. This is pretty much what He said:

You need to start taking responsibility – moving in your gifting – and let God do the rest.

Your heart needs to be soft before God – forget how much you feel people think about you or not – what people’s opinions are. Do everything unto God. Keep yourself accountable in this. Keep a glad heart – thankfulness before God. Your frustration in life is not what others actually think of you but what you know you could be but are failing to achieve. The judgements you feel come from others are actually your own judgements, projected onto others. Change what you can, trust God to change the things that are out with your power and learn to accept the rest is the way God made you and should be loved and not despised. Where others do reject you or criticize you, weigh it and move on – either making adjustments or recognising that their rejection is their loss, not yours.

So that is what I am going to attempt. My friends have pretty much been saying these things to me for like years, and I’ve not managed to hear them. You wouldn’t begin to know how much the small encouragements from friends mean to me – and how they provoke me on to a greater walk with God.

So that's the current state of play. Things are pretty good. Challenging but good. I hope that in some way this can encourage some of you folk out there. Life with God isn't easy but I wouldn't miss it for the world!